Divorce has a myriad of complexities, and perhaps none is more labyrinthine than the decision to employ a Divorce Mediator. Looking retrospectively, I’ve discovered four things that would have been significantly beneficial to understand prior to embarking on this process.

Firstly, the role of the divorce mediator is often misconstrued. Mediators are not therapists, financial advisors, or legal representatives. They are neutral third parties, facilitators if you will, whose primary function is to streamline communication between the parties involved, encouraging a cooperative problem-solving approach. They help to identify, negotiate and reach mutually agreeable resolutions to all issues related to their separation; from property division and child custody, to spousal support and parenting plans.

Secondly, despite popular belief, mediators do not make decisions on your behalf. Instead, their role is to guide the conversation, ensuring each party has the opportunity to voice their concerns and preferences. This is a critical facet of mediation that distinguishes it from arbitration. It's rooted in the Rawlsian concept of "veil of ignorance," where the decision-making process is designed to be fair to all parties involved. This ensures that the agreed-upon solution is a result of a consensual negotiation process rather than a unilateral decision imposed by an external authority.

Thirdly, the timing of hiring a mediator is often overlooked. If both parties agree on most issues and require assistance to finalize a few remaining matters, then hiring a mediator early in the process could be beneficial. However, if the parties are in stark disagreement on most issues, they may need to first seek individual legal counsel. This timing is crucial to avoid wasted resources and ensure a more efficient process. Skyrocketing divorce rates during the 1970s precipitated a shift in conflict resolution tactics, moving from litigation towards mediation. The mathematics of game theory further emphasizes this point, suggesting that cooperative negotiation typically results in a more favorable outcome for all parties involved, as compared to combative strategies.

Lastly, recognizing the limitations of mediation is crucial. Mediation is dependent on full disclosure and open communication. As such, in cases where there is high conflict, power imbalances, manipulation, or abuse, mediation may not be the most appropriate method of dispute resolution. In such instances, the parties may need to explore other avenues such as litigation or collaborative law.

The choice to employ a mediator is a significant one. A vital tool in the arsenal of divorce proceedings, their function extends far beyond mere conflict resolution. The mediator's role is rooted in fostering communication, promoting empathy, and facilitating mutual understanding, the bedrock upon which resolutions can be built.

Understanding these facets of mediation ensures a more streamlined, efficient, and effective approach to divorce. It underscores the importance of transparency, communication, and collaboration in this process. While the journey through divorce may be fraught with complexity, the role of the divorce mediator is to navigate you through this maze, not dictate the path, ensuring that the decisions made are the product of deliberation rather than imposition.